301 Robinson Ave, Newburgh, NY 12550
6 October 2023
Dear paper straws,
Don’t take any of this personally. It’s not your fault that plastic straws weren’t sustainable. I totally get it, we have to save the turtles. Plastic straws just weren’t it anymore, and I get that. But my gosh why are you so difficult to use.
The first encounter with you was with a milkshake. First of all, milkshakes HAVE to be drank with a straw, it’s a law. Anything else is a crime to me. As I was drinking my amazing strawberry mistake, you started to fail on me. I look down at my shake as I start to struggle and realize that you completely melted in half. You had one job and that was to let me drink my milkshake, and you completely failed. Needless to say, from that day on I knew we’d be enemies.
Nowadays, whenever I am handed a paper straw, I hope and pray that you won’t break on me. You are just a little too unstable and unpredictable for me, maybe you should see a therapist or something. Sometimes, I am met with a peaceful sip of my drink. Other times, it’s like you’re out to get me. Needless to say, you should try harder to keep yourself together.
With lots of love and milkshakes, Amy
P.S. You make the drink taste kind of weird sometimes too.